Deacon Who?

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(Note: Ideas and opinions expressed in this blog are not necessarily shared by the transit agency I work for. This is simply an expression of free speech while describing the work bus operators perform.) I have been (and called) many things in this life. Most of all, I'm a writer who happens to drive a bus. In May of '13 I thought it would be fun to write about my job. As a direct result of this blog, I published a book in November of 2017 called "JUST DRIVE - Life in the Bus Lane" that is available on Amazon. I write to provide insight as to what it's like on a bus... From The Driver Side. Thank you for reading!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

You Need to Relax!

Our bodies are abused daily as we drive. Some of us head to the chiropractor, others to the gym or masseuse. I've tried all three, with a monthly massage being my favorite. Today though, I stepped into the realm of exercising the body, mind and soul: yoga.

My wife has found yoga to help her in many ways, and I've always been interested in it. Already a fan of meditation, I finally stepped onto the mat today and put my body through a relaxing regimen of stretches. While my main complaints are usually lower back, calves and right foot pain, today I discovered my hips whispering "help me". During a five-minute stretch of that area, the new pain gave way to to a gradual relaxation and awareness of how this part of an operator's body is crucial to the mechanics of our job.

Driving "by the seat of your pants" isn't just a tired cliche. If you spend hours every day in a bus operator's seat, your hips are the lower body's command center. Hit the brake pedal, and the femur pushes against the hip socket. It takes a few hundred pounds of pressure to smoothly brake a bus. If you multiply this by the approximately 750 times we do this per shift, it seems likely you're going to develop some pain from all that pressure. Turn the steering wheel, and your body weight pivots with the directional force involved in the bus changing direction. Accelerate, and not only is your foot pushing away, the body is simultaneously settling backward. These conflicting pressures also cause stress on the lumbar portion of your spine and the associated muscles. A constant shifting in the seat is a natural part of a bus operator's day. Sometimes, unless sudden movements accentuate the common stress your body feels, you don't notice how tense the lower body becomes after a 90-minute workout in the seat. Until, that is, you reach the end of the line and you stand up from that seat. Then your body screams "Hey wait a minute, what's going on here?" As you return to an upright homo sapiens, new stresses are compounded by what your lower body has become accustomed to while driving, and those first few steps make me look like a drunk lurching home after several shots at the bar.

For me, the hip irritation is a silent pain, or one I've been able to ignore because there are other stress points my brain centers on. Silent until today's yoga class, that is. Thanks to the meditative state you enter during the stretches, you can concentrate on what parts of the body need attention. I sent warm, healing oxygenated waves toward my hips during two particular stretches. After the first few excruciating minutes and a few minor adjustments in the pose, I felt the tension melting away. It was a wonderful feeling, and I hate to use the term in fear of seeming vulgar, which was nearly orgasmic in nature.

Once upon a part timer's world, I had a daily workout regimen. Working a few hours in the morning with a six-hour stretch before my afternoon shift, I could fit in a full-body workout. Then I could enjoy a leisurely lunch and a nap afterward. Operating a bus was virtually pain-free. When I went full time and ended up on the Extra Board, all that changed. Even though there were long stretches of time when I wasn't driving, there was a short leash around my neck. I couldn't leave the report area or I'd be unavailable when my name was called. Now that I have regular work thanks to a seniority level earned by a few years of longevity, the luxury of taking care of myself isn't always available.

You've read how my mind and body have reacted to this job, and my soul has suffered at times as well. To have the opportunity to soothe all three in one hour of gentle physical therapy is one we should all make time for. Until they find a driver's seat design that adjusts adequately for every body type and size, it's up to us to take care of ourselves. If we don't, and the body breaks down, the mind and soul suffer from worry about how to pay the bills.

I've talked myself into it. Yeah, yoga helps. Now if I could only stretch my butt back into shape, I might feel as good as I did as a mini-runner. Ah, the good ol' days...

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Blowing Off Steam, and Bestowing Fleas

Back to the fun gig, described as "Write Drunk, Edit Sober" tonight. It's my Friday, and it's been one helluva week, so thanks to my designated driver Lady Blue (she HATES that name), I'm home safe after driving about 650 miles in a bus in five days. Got off my bus, changed out of my uniform, and went straight to our hometown bar for some scotch, rock, and pool to unwind.

Everything hurts, down to my soul. Today, we all heard that an off-duty cop was involved in a motorcycle collision with a bus. We're all concerned not only for the motorcyclist who was Life Flighted from the scene, but also the bus operator. It's not known, or important at this time, who was at fault. All I know is that our thoughts, prayers and love go out to those involved. Motorcyclists can be so hard to see sometimes, we all shudder with the realization that it could be any of us who could make a split-second decision that ends disastrously. Perhaps it wasn't the operator's mistake. The media doesn't usually key in on that particular point, because the money-maker headline is usually "Bus Hits Motorcycle" which condemns us from the get-go. But like I said, who's at fault isn't the point; we're all hoping the motorcyclist fully recovers. We also send the operator our love and support, because he or she must be having a terrible nightmare of a time right now.

When you consider how many thousands of passengers we safely deliver to destinations every hour of every day, our collision rate is minuscule in comparison. It would be nice once in a while for the transit agency to tout our safety record as one of the best in the world, which I'm sure it is. We're expected to drive perfectly, yet the public only hears or complains if we dare to show a flaw of the tiniest proportions.

Today, for example, I had one customer who complained about something that was totally out of my control. He made a point to write my bus number down on his grimy, sweaty palm in front of the bus. I felt like he was a whiny child pantomiming "I'm telling Mommy on you! Mean old bus driver jerk! WAAAAHHHH!" It mattered little to me. He could piss up a rope for all I cared. I was polite, mindful of the myriad of Big Brother spy cameras and microphones on the bus. Plus, being my Friday, I wasn't going to let some pond scum ruin the day. I smiled, told him "I hope you have a nice day", and waited for the door to close before commenting to my buddy the operator window: "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your weeks-old underwear, you ungrateful schmuck."

The full moon approaching, my riders were some surly rotten eggs today. Many of them, anyway. Some were downright rude, yet a few were refreshingly supportive and kind. But the schmucks did their best to shake my resolve to the bone, lemme tell ya. I politely asked a 20-something bicyclist to have his fare ready when boarding, instead of fumbling with the bike rack, then coming on board and rummaging through his designer-ripped jeans for the correct change. You'd think I had farted loudly for 10 seconds on an elevator upon which he was the only other passenger, the face he made at my politely-worded comment. "I'm working on it! Geesh! You can go anytime you know." After an interminably-long 90 seconds, he finally put the fare in the box and snatched his ticket while giving me an animated stink-eye. The fact that he could actually count to 250 amazed me. I waited until he was past the priority seating area, as usual, before moving the bus. Once again, I silently invoked the fleas, begging them to freely mate in his nether regions.

Later, coming up to a busy stop with a full bike rack, another 20-something stood forlornly with her two-wheeler after the last passenger had boarded. "Can I bring my bike on board?" she whined. "No Miss, I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait for the next bus because transit code says you can't bring a bike on board with you." She looked like she was going to wail, but a primitive moan came instead. "But that's not for another 20 minutes!" (Lie... my bus is frequent service, meaning the next one was about eight minutes away, seeing as I was seven minutes late by then.) "Have a nice evening," I said with a smile, as the door slammed in her face. Cry me a river lady.

We do "favors" for people all the time. The only good it does us is the satisfaction of being kind. The general public doesn't give a tinker's damn, nor do they realize half the time, the nice things we do for them. They'll call in a complaint, or Tweet a misunderstood faux pas, quicker than a politician takes a bribe. But telling the world what a fine job we do in the worst circumstances? Fuhgeddaboudit. 

I recently had the great pleasure of spending time with one of our road supes while waiting for a mechanic to diagnose a mechanical issue on my bus. We discussed the current situation of the mess Portland calls its Transit Mall. His words were music to my ears. "It's a testament to the professionalism of our bus and rail operators that so few people are injured or killed. It's a miracle, really." Thanks to our brother, we got the kudos we work so hard to hear but rarely do. I was speechless for a minute. "Thank you brother, it's nice to hear that. We sure try to keep people safe." His reply was equally heartwarming. "I'm sorry you don't hear it enough."

To all of you who work on the road and rail, I know it's hard a tough row to hoe. We're under-appreciated by the public and our management. When one of us suffers, we all do. We're a brotherhood, and we understand what we all go through. What I've described tonight is nothing new. Many of you probably nodded when you read this rambling, having surely gone through something similar many a time yourselves. So thank YOU... for doing what we do, and for doing a damn good job of it.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

I Salute My Brave Sister Operator

My fellow bus operators astound me each day with their personal stories. We are such a diverse group, yet we have a common goal: to get safely from Point A to B. What happens in between sometimes is enough to boggle the most sane of minds. Luckily, ours are more so than many of our passengers.

One sister bus operator had her ex-husband board her bus the other night. Evidently, he caused her great pain over the years. Without knowing details or wanting to delve into them anyway, let's just say it was unnerving for her to see him on her bus. She handled the situation calmly and professionally, and carried on with her regular passengers as if nothing extraordinary happened.

Imagine the incredible stress this situation put on our sister. How would you react? I stated that I wouldn't be capable of behaving as calmly as she did had it happened to me. My first wife was so horrible to me I had to move several states away to escape her, even though the nightmares continued until a few years ago. Even now, I shudder at the prospect of ever having to see her again. How would I react? I'd like to say I'd be calm, polite and detached. My soul however, begs to differ. I have forgiven (most of) her sins against me, but some are too painful to even think about. Having my beloved Lady Blue at my side for decades now, to smooth out the sharp edges of a painful past, continues to be my greatest blessing.

You never know who's going to board your bus on any given day. The most respectable-looking people can sometimes be surprisingly rude and/or impatient, perhaps even dangerous. Those whom you might think to be trouble-causers are often the first to come to our defense in touchy situations. All you can do is be kind, considerate and polite to all while hoping they treat you the same way. What you don't expect is having a painful memory walk through that door and the confidence to not let it rattle you.

As the years roll by, we gain an inner toughness many other occupations don't require. It's not something one notices happening. Each challenge we face comes with its own educational value. We become more hardened, to be sure. Not only do we experience adverse conditions on a regular basis, but we also hear other operators' stories and how they handled these situations. Our personal transit file cabinet gains a folder with each story we hear or live through. The toolbox we each carry within us grows, providing us with a wealth of responses for any number of situations we could face in service. Then something happens that is outside the realm of our understanding, and we have only our wits to rely upon.

In the past month alone, I've heard of several assaults on my fellow brother and sister operators. We all shake our heads and pray for them. All the while, we wonder what lies waiting on our next run. As operators, we're expected to remember all the rules regarding our behavior while in a dangerous situation. One false move while protecting ourselves could land us in the unemployment line. Any overzealous self-defense tactic, while maybe saving our lives, could be construed as beyond "reasonable" and cost us our job. Very few other occupations have as high a stress-level as ours, yet the public commonly spouts smug statements like "all they do is drive a bus". Cops and firefighters know each shift could be their last, and I have the greatest respect for anybody who voluntarily puts their life in danger to protect another. Yet we are constantly left to wonder, "Will I be the next transit casualty?".

So yeah, I nod my head in respect to my friend who sucked it up and kept her cool. Until, she said, she reached her own car in the parking lot after her shift ended. Only there did she allow herself to shed tears and reflect on a painful time in her life.

Thank you, Lady Operator, for being a shining example of the true professionals we all strive to be. You're a gem, and next time I see you, expect a hug.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016


Graph of most popular countries among blog viewersOK, this is interesting... I see that my readers in Russia have taken the lead in total hits on my blog. I know two people who are from Transylvania and one from Russia. How did this translate into 1,208 views this week from there? In second place, the United States registered 852 hits while Canada came in third. It's amazing and gratifying to have people read my posts from a country on the other side of two oceans from me.

Either this blog is translated into foreign languages automatically (wow, this here internet thing is cool), or there are more English speaking Russians than I was aware of. It lends credence to the argument that Americans are often less-educated than people in other countries. Whatever the case, I'm curious to know what my new friends in Russia have to say about this blog. Are they bus operators, or just interested in what this strange American has to say about his career?

Mostly, I'm honored by the blog's worldwide popularity these days. Each of you who read this have made a lifelong dream of mine come true. To have over 70,000 hits in three years is just astounding. I can put sentences together which somewhat convey ideas related to what I do and how I feel about it. There are no college diplomas on my walls. Writing just comes naturally to me. I love to do it, but save for a few years in college, I've taught myself through reading. In fact, given my rather ho-hum list of accomplishments in life so far, I often refer to myself as an idiot savant.

These statistics give me hope that the book of blog posts I'm working on right now will have a wider audience than I modestly hope. As a perfectionist, it's hard to figure out the format and such. But I'm actually doing it, which is a departure from past projects which either took a decade to finish or weren't completed at all. Procrastination is best left behind, if you ever get around to doing so.

So, to my readers everywhere, THANK YOU. I appreciate your taking time out of your day to read From the Driver Side. I look forward to hearing from any, or all, of you. We're all just normal people after all. We work, we eat, we exist on the same tiny planet in this dust mite of the Milky Way.

Peace be with you all.

Pageviews by Countries 

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The Sun Sets

Patrick's Note: It has been nearly a week since Deke N. Blue passed from his bloggery life. It has taken that long to come to terms with...