Deke's Note: Vacation is a sweet dream, no matter your vocation. As a bus operator, it's a brief moment to reconnect to "normal" life. Ask any one of us and we can explain how this profession is more a lifestyle than a job. If you can afford to get away, great. This week was a "staycation" for Beloved and I. For me, it's a multi-faceted break from the daily grind. Ahh, sweet relief!
My first-born brought her new boyfriend and 13yo god-daughter to visit this week. Even though I escaped rainy Portland in March to visit her in sunny Tucson, these four months apart tore me to pieces. Every day apart these past 23 years snips my heartstrings. I was the first to hold my sweet girl. I've held her close ever since, tighter still when we reunite. We endured 17 years of being separated each week, our love physically renewed via the wondrous joy a father adores his daughter.
As any parent can attest, our relationships with children are bonds that absolutely nothing can rip apart from our souls. We go through horrific tears upon our heartstrings throughout our child's lives, but Papa cherishes each cuddle and soulful conversation even in the harshest teenage moments. Our tears fall through each of our adult child's memories. We soothe one another and forgive our transgressions. Water under the bridge, as they say. One hug and we return to where life should be. Papa and daughter together again.
Luckily for us both, Anna Bear and I shed the roughest parts between us long ago. We've been tight for decades. Throughout her childhood, no matter how angry I was at her mother, it was vital not to share that inner fury with that innocent child. Her love for her mama needn't be sullied by the pain her parents endured. It was really difficult many times, but I dug down deep for her because I knew she loved both Mommy and Daddy. She didn't need to be pulled down into my despair for our love lost. I suffered that pain alone for almost a decade.
Then came Beloved. She healed us both with her quiet, peaceful love. She didn't try to replace Bear's mom, but offered extra love. I could only allow myself to release my pain and love another only when my sweet child gave her permission. Bear adored Beloved from the start. After years of suffering alone, Bear let me know it was okay to love again. I was so relieved, after being lonely so long. The three of us grew into a family, and then we gave Bear a little brother. At long last, I had the family which I thought would never happen. Nine years after my divorce, Beloved, Bear and I welcomed Lil' Zak to our close-knit bond. Two years later, we gave them a baby brother.
Fast-forward 30+ years, we just spent a fun week together. Bear's New Love and I spent many hours learning about each other. We're actually blood brothers, as souls go. Grand GodDaughter and I once again had fun teasing each other, having fun just hanging out. I haven't had a teenaged kid around for a few decades, so it was fun revisiting that which I shared with Bear in a new way. She's such a sweet, talented and smart kid it was refreshing to have her here. Trinity has great potential to shock the world with her sweetness and talent. Kudos to her parents for raising such a loving and respectful daughter. Her immediate bond with Mila Rose shows me her respect for family, her inner sweetness. I've watched beautiful Trinity grow from an infant to now, and I love her almost as much as my own daughter. My hope is that she realizes how much Beloved and I cherish her lovely soul.
My vacation rejuvenated this tortured soul. After having my life threatened a few weeks ago, this respite has repaired the many scars upon my soul. Daddy's little girl is now 41, but she can still smile her way into anything her heart desires. Just one look takes me back to when I'd put Glenn Frey's "Sea Cruise" on the boombox and dance our cares away. Her briefest hug buoys my soul back to when I was her only hero. Yeah, now four decades after her birth. You "girl dads" get this.
Thanks for coming, Bear, Romy and Trinity. This has been my best vacation in a long, long time. You all helped me heal when I needed it most. Now when I go back to work, I'll smile and remember all the laughter we shared. And Romes, that shrimp alfredo linguine was more "bomb" than any I've ever had.
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Keep keepin' on, fellow Ops. Cherish your family. We never know when life will deal us a bum hand. I'm going to keep this past week close within my soul for a long time.
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