Cry About the Past or Forge Ahead?

Nearly a year has passed since the General Manager position opened. Sam applied for it and was hired. I really didn't want the job, nor am I qualified. What I wanted was a new direction in management. Nearly a year into his tenure, it's evident Sam realizes we do know our jobs and are very good at them. 

From the Driver Side, there are several things which put us at extreme risk. A year ago, one of the most dire was management itself. While Sam's ascension has not cured all management's ills, he has made great strides to listen, act and improve our lives on the front lines of transit. 

I wrote Sam several intense emails when he became our GM. In them, I outlined our struggle and offered my ideas to fix them. Having written a blog highly critical of his two predecessors, I described our common abuse by the likes of abusive Human Relations Directors and various Assistant Managers. Writing what it's like while driving a bus in service, I took no prisoners and literarily sliced at the jugular of our past arrogant management. They had no accountability for their mis-management of our transit agency. All we could do was violently shake our collective heads while subject to ridiculous discipline. While reminders of the past remain in the present, progress is at hand.

To Sam's credit, he responded to my emails. He took great interest in what I wrote. Surprisingly, he met with me last summer to discuss my ideas. Given the past two administrations' propensity to ignore US and load our contract negotiations with cruel take-aways, I was flabbergasted. For a split second, my emotions went supernova. Then reality grounded me again. Distrust stubbornly reigned. Was I being set up for termination? Was this management's payback for dragging it through the mud?

Having always been taught to take responsibility for my own actions, I immediately agreed to meet with Sam the Man. After all, I had long demanded a GM who had actually driven a bus for a living. After the past two corporate flunkies, this guy seemed worthy of notice. Now we had a working man who rose from the ranks, even though his tenure consisted of driving a tour bus in Alaska. This created a collective snort from those who routinely face extreme danger at the controls of a city bus.

His passengers wanted to be on his bus. They were flush with vacation cash, living a lifelong dream seeing Alaska, one of my own desires. Ours are usually aboard because they must be. Some barely have the money to pay, but they do. Others have plenty but choose to "ride at my own risk", whatever that means. It's not like fare evasion is a priority these days. Not many voluntarily ride as a social choice to reduce traffic and carbon in the atmosphere. Still others pay what they can just to safely get to Point Be.

Sam told me his main career goal has always been to become a GM of a major transit agency. He made it. Now what will he do? So far, he has extended us some fresh carrots, but the majority of his constituency is not entirely impressed. We're still victim of too many assaults/attacks/menacing. Problem is, there's not a lot to be done about it. We suffer from a lack of police officers available given Portland's extreme propensity of violence these past two years. The police were called on the carpet for their handling of the demonstrations followed by riots in '20. This was met by a horrific roll-back of police because I don't know what-the-hell. Murders and general mayhem increased by ridiculous proportions, and WE became intensely-more vulnerable on our rolls. Response times increased considerably to our distress calls. 

Our GM has a towering mountain of discontent to conquer. Meanwhile, after 15 years of neglect and abuse we have become extremely impatient. Many expect Portland's transit woes to be immediately quieted by one man's ascension to the throne. There are problems to work out that took decades to come about. A lack of management's ability (or desire) to document solutions is exacerbated by the previous regime's severe incompetence and the scramble to figure out: just what actually happened?!? Hopefully, Sam is on top of that. He has decades of information at his fingertips. It's up to him what to do with all the information at hand.

Meanwhile, our union fails to inform us what is really going on behind the scenes. Is Sam actually working hard to shore up relations with our union? Our leadership remains largely silent. I cannot get more than a sentence from them. I've spent hours writing emails and blog posts about what we're enduring, but there's a loud silence. They respond with monosyllabic sentences to my pleas, even though they're positive. Keep it up, these replies say. But they fail to give me guidance. So here I am again, just pecking away at this keyboard hoping my inane rambling makes sense. Not sure what good this does, but I cannot remain silent. Impossible.

There's a deafening barrage of ridicule from the usual sources. They are constantly negative, comparing Sam's regime to those of the past. At the very least there is some improvement. We have seen management work with us through COVID, fire and ice storms and several other points. Perhaps the most stunning is this statement: "The union will have the upper hand when we negotiate a new contract." When can anyone remember management ever saying such a thing. It remains to be seen, but this statement alone gives me hope.

Still, the same negativity persists. It's all borne of a decades-long distrust. While understandable, how can anyone hope to forge a new tomorrow if yesterday remains at the forefront? Some may label me now an apologist for management; I am anything but. I finally see some forward movement, and I'm ready to work toward fixing that which was almost irretrievably-broken. Being an optimist, I am willing to forgive the past in order to forge something better.

That is why I have been meeting with Rachelle Glazier (Director of Operations) and Kathryn Wittman (Director of Bus Operations) to discuss what WE feel "out there" on the road. If they don't hear from US, how can you honestly expect them to know what needs improvement? I encourage all who read this to insist on being heard. Then, to follow up. At the very least, write an email to your manager (and be sure to copy their boss and Sam) expressing how you feel as an operator. Be sure to include instances when you felt management demeaned you, or even suspended you for no logical reason while your accuser's falsehoods were not adequately addressed. The more REAL stories are expressed, the deeper our pain reaches a management who says it is willing to hear them. I implore you to be VOCAL. You can bitch to yourselves or others, but unless you express your complaints to those whose job it is to make real changes, your windiness is lost in the void.

I am happy to say they are actually listening to me. While I write emails that are largely unanswered, I realize management hesitates to reply in such fashion. However, they respond to my words in person. They likely hesitate to reply in writing because they fear it is public record. However, they do respond. 

My past two meetings with management have delved heavily into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Rachelle met my thrust with a parry, in that our mental health counseling benefits are exemplary in comparison with other agencies. True, but problems remain. Last year, deep within counseling sessions in which I was finally able to open up with my counselor, our sessions came to an abrupt HALT. Even though "generous", there is still a point where these benefits become exhausted. I couldn't help feeling abandoned. There was still much to be accomplished.

Dealing with PTSD requires a soul to dig deeper than the present to address concerns that come to a head while dealing with a tense transit passenger interaction. It takes time to build trust with a mental health professional. One must address past issues building up to your current status in order to find true progress. Then, when you find forward movement, your benefits have "expired".

Once the benefits are exhausted, I feel... alone. Again.

I am lucky. Beloved is my rock. She patiently listens to my barrage of complaints after a week of in-service hell. Sometimes though, this intensity is too much for her. Lately, my personal life has added extreme sadness, and we're both working through similar issues. However, the added stress of this job is not conducive to my effectively dealing with them. Luckily, this job forces me to concentrate on safely driving the bus, which leaves little time to dwell on everything else.

So I just forge ahead. When asked, "I'm fine," I lie. "More importantly, how are you?"

It has always been my habit to help others. Why? Because I care.