Do "Heroes" Truly Work Here?

We're all broken; it will take a concerted
effort to repair the wrongs visited upon many.

Deke's Note: A friend of mine told me recently that she hoped my next book would deal with my experiences as a city bus operator during a COVID-19 riddled '20. I'm not sure that's even possible. Over the past three months I have battled nearly every human emotion short of mortal sin. Even then, I've come close several times. That's just what stress will do to the most level-headed human.

Having no other outlet than my writing, I'm stuck between describing what you already feel and have experienced, to the sublime luck of not having gone through what many of you have. I've been lucky, so far. We have lived only a third of the projected nightmare, only to find new disasters poking up through the river shore sands of what we never thought possible. Still, we endure. There's no other choice.

"Heroes Work Here," a sign in front of Center Garage confronts anyone who ventures through the front doors. Are we? It doesn't feel like it. We're simply pawns in a much bigger game than our work is given credit for. Pretty words ring hollow when you're on the front lines of a worldwide pandemic. The first time I saw that sign, I felt compelled to rip it from the ground and tear it into tiny shreds. I was so angry. Why, you ask? Isn't it nice to have a reminder that you're "appreciated" for your efforts? Sure, if the message is sincere. Our "leadership" fails to instill us with any meaningful support, with even the remotest sense of sincerity, that our efforts are worthy of "heroics". We're simply doing our jobs, within the most dangerous times of our lives. It's what we do, and proudly so. Still, we haven't seen any extra compensation along with anyone else who also puts their very life upon the line while doing the necessary work propelling modern humanity.

If I felt appreciated, I would see members of upper management on my bus, encouraging passengers to wear face masks as they are meant to be, covering their mouths and noses. They would point out the numerous signs on our rides which outline the most basic rules of transit, which simply point people to a sense of decency and respect for fellow passengers and the operators. But no, ours and others across the country hide from atop their gilded ivory towers or cowering in "self-quarantine" from home. WE cannot work from home, we're "essential workers". God save us all from our collective managements. If this job is "essential", I fear the worst for those who are not considered so, even though they also risk their lives for a paycheck.

"Leadership" carefully monitors complaint calls from miscreants and trouble-causers who constantly call in complaints against operators who insist passengers follow the rules of transit. When we're complained against, management is there to ensure our strict compliance to Standard Operating Procedures which change with the prevailing winds of a few whiny and misinformed nuisances which we're constantly in contact with. They can, and do, call in the most petty of complaints, some of which are outright lies or misrepresentations of what actually happens or is said as we commandeer 20-tons of steel and humanity through the unforgiving trials of transit.

• "You can bring leaky bags of bottles and cans onboard, but if an operator refuses you a ride we will discipline them. It's okay."
• "Strollers were once required to be folded and stowed, but since a group of you whined about this policy we changed our minds. Oh, and your little ones don't have to be removed. It's okay if they stay in the stroller; if the operator has to stop suddenly and your child's stroller is forcefully slammed into the front of the bus you will be adequately compensated and the operator punished. It's okay, poor little entitled whiny people, we have your backs."
• "We require you pay fare; if you don't it's okay too. Even though we have bent over backwards to allow even the con artists of today to be eligible for reduced fare, we won't enforce policy because it adversely affects too many deadbeats. It's okay, our budget is shrinking because of your failure to pay, but we'll make the operators tighten their belts to convey you for free."
• "Public demands for less policing determine our policy, so we'll de-fund the transit police division. The operators will just have to be more understanding when you attack them, and depend on non-existent policy enforcement. If they defend themselves, don't worry; we have your back. It's okay; we'll just discipline the operator."

Our jobs are managed by a wishy-washy group without apparent conscience or backbone to enforce the rules of decency or even support those whose "heroic" efforts make their own jobs possible. Yeah. "Heroes Work Here." Right. Prove it. Support us. Laud us for the hard-working essential cogs in the wheel of transit rather than hiding behind ridiculous edicts which have no place in the logical world. We're sick of disrespect, so your signs mean nothing to us.

* * * * *

We're unsure how many of us have tested positive for COVID-19. As a bus operator, my travels expose me to as many as 150,000 passengers each year. We are constantly exposed by non-mask-wearing people who pause less than two feet from us to ask us the stupidest questions the cell phone in their hands could instantly provide answers for.

Hey, who am I to complain about today's calamity? I'm just a lowly bus operator. No matter than nearly 200 transit workers in New York City have already died from this deadly virus. We are the unprotected "heroes" who garner little respect from the lackluster, blood-hungry media. I've begged our public broadcasting company to highlight the dangers we face, with no response. The other media touch upon our plight with zero zest.

While doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals get truly-deserved mention, little is said for those of us who toil every hour, every minute to do the work our society expects of us. The cops (who have been under intense scrutiny for the bad apples which shine a horribly-unfair spotlight upon the true servants), firefighters and EMT's who respond to every emergency, garbage collectors, janitors, and numerous other "essential workers" such as grocery and yes, liquor store employees among countless others, have sacrificed themselves for the normal workings of an American society that has come to value "freedom" over life itself. It's disgusting that we have devolved to a point where our country now has the highest amount of contagion while other nations have defeated the pandemic.

Americans are spoiled, shameless and coddled. We simply expect it all to go away, because... 'Merica! If we would just stop testing, then we would have very few cases, our listless "leader" tells us. If we could only rise to what our national standard once was, as the "greatest" country in the world, we too would have conquered this grave danger. This isn't a political statement, but a common sense plea for unity. Our country has withstood many calamities: a Civil War which ultimately preserved our Union, two World Wars, the Spanish Flu, tornadoes, hurricanes and countless other disasters. Now, it seems to be a political statement to simply wear a mask. Are you truly willing to risk your life, or even that of a loved one, just because you don't believe in taking simple precautions amidst a worldwide pandemic? Your "rights" do not allow you to put me or others in danger due to your selfishness.

I have friends on all sides of the political spectrum. Your lives are precious to me, so I wear a mask. Why? Because of all those 150,00+ people I come into contact with, I'm not able to pinpoint who is carrying this fearsome virus. Due to my exposure, I surely don't want to expose you to my possible contamination. It doesn't matter whether you believe as I do or vote for the same candidates. You matter to me, if only for our shared  humanity. Your simply sharing the same air is important to me. We can debate politics at any time, but if we all die, what's the point?

The past few months have been a nightmarish blur. Counting passengers, adding, subtracting, predicting where I might have to leave fare-paying people behind because some idiot boards holding a wad of cash in their hands that would normally be hidden, only to say "What, you don't take cash?" truly pisses me off. If I have to put "SORRY - BUS AT CAPACITY" on my overhead because over half of my 12-15 passenger load has failed to pay their fare while hard-working "essential workers" wait while two or three busfuls of fare evaders pass them by, I get steamed.

We haven't accepted cash since about mid-March. It's dirty, and those employed to count and process it would be unnecessarily-exposed if it remained valid fare. Still, there are those who have been riding the bus all the while who employ the same fake, empty expression when they see the three-month-old sign on the fare box stating we don't accept cash payments. Due to economic conditions, fare enforcement has been lax, except on light rail. Even then, exceptions are generally the rule versus citations. Even so, we hear the same old tired excuses on the bus.

"I guess I'll just ride at my own risk."

"What, you don't take cash any more?"

"What's a HOP pass?" (As if this form of payment was brand new, rather than two years old.)

"My HOP pass hasn't arrived yet. I just need to get to XYZ."

We've heard it all, or nothing. Some just jump ahead of a fare-paying individual struggling to stay afloat, yet still feel compelled to pay their fare, having procured a HOP pass. Decent, honest folks who are working or not, still feeling an obligation to pay for a service that has not, nor should ever be, free. And still, the fare evaders have to constantly be reminded to wear the FREE masks provided.

Yes, we're tired. Exhausted. We're bullied by those who have never before ridden a bus, feeling their "constitutional rights" are violated by our insisting they follow a few simple rules. Wear a mask. Maintain a six-foot distance from other passengers. Exit the BACK door. Simple, right? Nah. To hell with rules. People who are so self-entitled to ignore rules set forth by a transit system dedicated to pamper them safely to their destination for a few bucks and change.

Given this strenuous exchange with the sordid few troublemakers is the added difficulty of protests. I firmly believe in every American's right to peacefully protest. Especially with what has transpired recently, and also for the past 300+ years. Our racial strife, the murderous entitlement which has tragically mired our country's history, needs to stop. Finally, once and for all. It's disgusting how White America has treated anyone whose skin color is anything but.

In Portland, the protests have been occurring daily for over two weeks now. I get it. People are pissed off because of the needless on-the-site death sentences for supposed "suspects" who happen to be black. They have been killed in great numbers, sentenced to death without benefit of trial before a jury of their "peers", which more often than not have been mainly-composed of those they don't consider so. Transit has been halted quite often because of thousands-strong demanding to be heard.  Once and for all, they are rising UP: black, white, brown, or any shade in between. Their voices are loud, and rightly so. My minor inconvenience of being routed around them pales in comparison to the centuries of wrongs visited upon my fellow citizens who don't share my pale skin.

I recently made the personal mistake of stating I was "tired of the protests". How foolish, callous and indifferent that must have sounded to those who have struggled for even a tenth of the respect I garner just because I am white-skinned. A fellow sister pointed out my unintended insult to the plight of those who fear simply returning safely home every day. My being tired of the current war between "authorities" and "protesters" pales in comparison to the weariness our "minority" brothers and sisters must feel after centuries of homicidal treatment.

I cannot apologize for the body my soul came into when Mom gave birth to me. My personal struggles were many as a wee lad, but I was insulated from the violence many of my fellow citizens endured. Still, I was raised to respect people for their qualities rather than how they appear. The brother of a man with severe mental retardation, I learned early to accept people for who they are, rather than how they are perceived.

"Judge not, lest ye be judged," Mom taught me early and often. I was born with a brain injury, which required intense physical stimulation by a mother who refused to believe doctors who told her I'd never walk or talk. "Put him into an institution and forget about him," they told her. "Bullshit," she replied. Thanks to her refusal to give in to the prevailing "wisdom" of the time, I am here writing to you today.

This leads us to the current state of affairs. Fifty years ago, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King implored his fellow Americans to believe in a day "that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Where is the "content" of our character, today as a nation? Wallowing in the jungle of foolish and outdated discrimination. Is our country one where people are killed on the street where they are detained, rather than taken into custody in hopes of a fair trial before a jury of their "peers"? Evidently, our country has not gained an inch since President Abraham Lincoln implored every ounce of our nation's character and goodness to compel Congress to pass the 13th Amendment, which abolished slavery. Unfortunately, it failed to free people of color from the bondage of white privilege and further scorn, indenture and imprisonment. Of all the "free" countries in the world, it is horrific to understand, comprehend or truly appreciate the struggle of Black America throughout the past few centuries. Yet, here we still are, arguing over whether white people deserve superiority over anyone, let alone those whose skin color has been an active death sentence.

I do not blame people for their protests, even though it is inconvenient to those of us who roll the wheels of transit. The trouble-makers who infiltrate the peaceful masses do annoy me, but I simply roll the wheels. My job is to transport people, safely. That's what I do, and I'm proud to do so. If I tell you to do something, there's good reason for it. Just shut up and comply, and you're welcome.

* * * * *

Back to the "Heroes Work Here" argument. I only hope that once contract negotiations resume, our "heroic" efforts are recognized and we are amply rewarded for our constant dedication. Given management's antics, I highly doubt its ability to give us our due recognition. Sure, transit has suffered financial setbacks. "Tighten the budgetary belt" is one likely excuse to refuse rewarding our sacrifices. A loss of income due to not accepting cash for fare is another. However, in my experience over almost eight years, I've recently noticed most fare-paying passengers are using the HOP Pass as the most common form of fare. While the district pushes to eliminate cash in lieu of a more streamlined fare system, there will always be a need to accept cash. Not everyone has the ability to transfer funds to HOP via a cell phone, nor should they be forced to. It can be truly inconvenient. An "either or" system is mandated for any fair means of paying fare.

We do not normally consider ourselves "heroes". Yeah, we perform heroics every day we're on the job, regardless of conditions. We save lives every moment through sheer dedication, watching out for those who recklessly abandon their own safety. You don't hear about these "heroics" in the daily media, because only blood sells. Historically, transit has not rewarded us for our professionalism. Why would we expect it now? Hollow slogans are mere propaganda; it's what they're expected to say given the times we operate under. To echo its insincerity and slogan usage, "Where's the beef"? Meaningless words resonate with emptiness ever since transit management was overtaken by reckless Corporata. They have no business managing ours. Had our collective efforts been of any value whatsoever, Portland transit would be much more efficient and proactive than it has for the past decade. It would have promoted dedicated transit workers to manage a system we know best, rather than import those with no real-world experience.

Anyone with the slightest foresight would have planned for a pandemic. It would also have plans at-the-ready for the impending earthquake threatening the Northwest. There would have been stockpiles of medical supplies (made in the USA rather than in China, where this pandemic began) at the ready and people in place who would know how to react to any local emergency. Who would these people be, ready to respond to catastrophe? Battle-tested transit workers, that's who. People who have driven thousands of miles and millions of passengers. Those who know every pothole and irregular stoplight sequence across this city. People with experience through any weather event who understand the needs of operators and mechanics to efficiently react to whatever adversely affects transit.

Instead, we're inundated with a hopeless corporate mindset that has proven itself inept, unprepared and unresponsive whatever adverse conditions assail US. It's better at making excuses and hiding its failures than providing respectful leadership. While management bragged about its' supposed superhuman efforts to procure protective equipment, we had already been exposed to the pandemic... for weeks. By law, we're prohibited from even participating in a Blue Flu, let alone a labor strike in which we could have refused to work due to unsafe conditions. (Gee thanks, Oregon Legislature and certain members of our union leadership.)

Current "management leadership" is the group we're faced with as contract negotiations are stalled. Throughout this nightmare, we continue to serve our collective citizenry. With constant professionalism, despite unprecedented risks, and without adequate acknowledgement from media or  our increasingly-inefficient and bloated management. It has the media in a death-grip, and allows only management's opinion to flood the airwaves. WE, meanwhile, are strictly monitored for our contacts and comments to the media. Fuck that, I say. I write what I feel, as a taxpaying/transit-supporting citizen who is concerned for my fellow brothers and sisters as well as the public I serve. And I will continue to voice my opinion until it no longer matters.

When COVID has hopefully blown past our nation's sordid ridiculousness, caskets are buried and ashes blown to the saddest winds, we'll remain largely insignificant in management's nearsighted vision. Our "heroics" will be forgotten and once again we will find ourselves fighting for even a fraction of wage increase compared to ever-soaring inflation. We'll be portrayed in the media, once again, as "greedy" or "over-compensated low-skilled workers". False complaints against us, in which our honor and dedication are unfairly and often incorrectly portrayed, will run in the media whilst our "heroic" actions through pandemics and ice storms will be conveniently forgotten. In short, we're screwed no matter what we do. Just drive, and shut the hell up. Be thankful you have a job. Meanwhile, just sit back and bite your tongue, Blue Collar Chump. "We're in control now, and don't you forget it," their actions constantly proclaim.

Seeing that sign in front of our garages is insulting, knowing how our "leadership" treats us when some overly-entitled passenger texts a false or misleading complaint against an operator who has rightfully implored them to follow the most basic rules of transit which have ruled this profession for over 100 years. We're only "in the news" when something goes wrong. Instead of giving an operator the benefit of innocence before being proven guilty, we're reduced to being "under investigation". Once we're exonerated, we cannot expect any such comment freeing us from the supposed guilt we're automatically convicted of by management's inability to support its frontline.

Even when a passenger complaint is obviously fraudulent and disproven, it remains on our record. Most complaints should be trashed, never to see the light of day let alone forwarded to us after a long shift safely ferrying our fellow Portlanders to their destinations for a mere $2.50. It's a shameful situation thousands face every day, in every city across the globe that provides public transportation.

So yeah, even though I'm white, I feel for those who have suffered for centuries under a system that is heavily-weighted toward "entitled" segments of a population over any other. It hurts. It's unfair, and it erodes any worthwhile expectation of progress. ALL of it needs to just... STOP. Now. It's not something that needs "further study" or "investigation" or "committee meetings". We know the problem, but the only solution has been easily within reach for hundreds of years. Our failure to come together is only now blindingly-obvious as our collective misdeeds have become debts long past due.

Do you want actual "change"? Get rid of the status quo, and vote your fellow ground-level, blue-collar workers into power. Millionaires don't get it, and they don't care. Change comes from the ground up. "Trickle down" only means that we're showered in shit. And right now, things smell just like that.

Wake up, folks. No matter which party you vow loyalty to, the only "party" worth attending is your neighbor's barbecue. The rest smells horrible.

Peace, love, and continued safe health to you and yours,
Deke