Is This Guy for Real?

Man, I love kids. I especially love teasing the little buggers. This time of year, I enjoy singing a few bars of well-loved holiday songs. With a twisted twist, of course. Deke Style.

Knowing the public's sense of humor can be fickle, I'm very careful about when I do so. If I sense a parental playfulness on board, it's reasonably safe to proceed.

"Good evening everyone," I began. "I'd like to wish everyone on the bus a very merry holiday season, and to thank you for riding my bus. And now, for your transit torture, I'm going to share my version of some well-known classic songs."

A bit of historical background is pertinent here. My father played classical guitar and sang old English and Appalachian folk music. He also had a fondness for Christmas music. If you know me, you'll recognize where my ornery humor comes from: Daddy Blue. I not only emulate him in these instances, I downright plagiarize him. Dad entertained each of my kids' classrooms during the holiday seasons. While his delivery was decidedly superior to mine, it's still impossible for me to resist flattering him by emulating him.

"Randolf, the green-eared rattlesnake, had a very noisy tail..." is about as far as that tune gets. There's a sudden eruption from my youngest passengers.

"THAT'S not how it goes!" they'll invariably shout, giggling all the while. "It's Rudolph!"

"It's not? Rudolph who?" I'll say with a healthy dose of incredulity. "Are you sure? My daddy taught me that song! I'm sure that's how it's sung."

The giggling spreads to their parents, and perhaps a few other non-related adults. The teenagers continue to sneer, shaking their heads at the "lame" bus driver. Even so, I catch one of them in half-smile. They don't realize how closely-removed they are to single-digits, but as a dad and grandfather, I can easily spot those who haven't totally lost their childish sweetness.

They're now in my grasp, these cute little faces in my passenger mirror. Knowing the traffic light sequence will allow another one of Dad's "classics," I puff myself up for another run. My singing voice isn't bad, but I'm not about to audition for any of those talent shows.

"I know one you'll love!" I warn my audience.

"Oh boy," a parent will grumble.

Queuing up the microphone, my voice warbles into another bastardized version of holiday cheer.

"You better watch out, you better not pout..."

I pause here for dramatic effect. My little folks are poised to pounce at this moment. Just as the traffic light turns green, I give them more ammunition.

"...EASTER BUNNY'S coming to town!"

Amidst the peals of protest, one night I heard a lad of about six ask his parents, "Is this joker for real?"

They're just lucky. I know Cheech & Chong's "Santa Claus and His Old Lady" song by heart. Just imagine what mischief I could twist out of that one.

Safe travels this holiday season, my dear readers.