I've been busier than a one-toothed beaver in a lumberyard. Just last night I began deciding which FTDS posts might work best in the book I hope to publish, wondering what to name the collection, and asking your opinions on whether I should "come out" from under my pseudonym.
So far, my FaceBook friends have voted 3-1 in favor of me remaining under cover. Mrs. Blue is pissed! She thinks my dual personality is tiresome and silly. But she understands, as many of you do, that I don't want to lose my job if I write posts which stretch the limits of corporate decorum. That's actually what I work for: a corporation run by the government. I've been injured by corporate bullies before; in another job I held, a certain big-wig blatantly put his name on an article I wrote for the company. I was told to swallow my pride or lose my job. It was a tough chew, but I somehow got it down. It left a terribly rotten taste in my mouth. I wanted to punch the guy, but I've artfully avoided handcuffs so far and never enjoyed jewelry anyway. This old boy learned to take "freedom of speech" with a large chunk of sodium from that point on. So when I signed on to this gig and their information officer tiptoed around the "free speech, except..." concept, I just smiled and nodded. More corporate doublespeak.
As I read some of the earliest posts last night as I began work on The Book, I had to chuckle at myself. Even though I wasn't very young when I started driving bus, my words painted me in a naive light. A friend of mine, who started driving about the same time I did, said she has followed my progression from wide-eyed greenhorn to somewhat-jaded semi-veteran. There are some posts that are gems while a few leave me wondering "What the hell did I write THAT for?".
Shortly after I began driving, Big Ol' Daddy saw me shake my head as I listened to him and other more experienced drivers talking about their experiences. He told me, "Don't kid yourself Deke, you'll be just as jaded as we are in a few years". I disagreed, and he laughed. To a degree, his words were prophetic. However, when I do act out a bit too much, it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Some things I've done over the past year especially have made me re-evaluate myself, take a good dose of chill pills, and adjust my attitude. A double scotch on a Friday night does the trick as well.
Yeah, the jury is in. It's not a unanimous vote, but I have to agree anonymity is the best row to hoe. Less weeds, more product. No toxins or bugs to worry about either. So if you know me, please keep it close to the vest. I'll be singing this Steely Dan tune a while longer.